But no longer!

Operation Fabulous has begun!
(Many thanks to Erin for posting about Tres Lola which has contributed to the inspiration.)

Over the last 12 months, I’ve put on a considerable amount of weight, almost 10kg, making me the heaviest I’ve ever been. My motivation and energy levels have been low. Clothes I love don’t fit any more. My most faithful pair of jeans that had fit me over 6 years of fluctuating weight (aged 16 to 22) no longer fit. It was devastating.
I’m perpetually tired. I’ve struggled to keep my house in order, and to cook properly nutritious meals. And my finances? They’ve been in a mess since Christmas.
The only thing that has stopped me from descending into complete despair and hopelessness has been my lovely partner. His support has been immeasurable.

Early last week, I decided that I had had enough. I’d had enough of looking frumpy. I’m 23, for crying out loud!
So I went out and bought some new clothes. I managed to squash the despair of having to buy clothes a size larger than I’d ever had to before. This week I started wearing high heels again. I’d stopped wearing them when I moved out of home in May last year. The effort was too much, and they weren’t exactly comfortable. But as a kick-start to feeling better about myself, wearing heels with my new office clothes certainly helped. Next step – wearing some of my fabulous jewellery again, and perfume too. I doubt I’ll ever be one of those women to put on a face full of makeup for work every day. I can’t stand the stuff, or more accurately, the feel of foundation on my skin. It bothers me. It’s ok for special occasions, but definitely not for everyday. But I digress.
I look forward to Friday, I have the day off work and I’m off to the hairdressers, for some much needed maintenance. My hair grows fast and it has been 2 months since I last went. So it has grown well out of the style I had it in, and just looks messy. The ash-brown regrowth doesn’t help either. Thankfully you can’t see the greys. These grey hairs are not new, I’ve been greying since about the age of 18, and even before then I knew it was only to be expected. My mother was completely grey by her early thirties, and I new the same fate was on my cards. But since I’ve had my hair coloured constantly since I was about 17, this isn’t such a big deal.

So come Friday evening, I will be back presenting myself better. No more obviously ill-fitting clothes, and drab hair.
The weight will take longer, but I’m working on it. I never stopped the sessions with my personal trainer, and that has helped. I’m back doing Body Combat classes at the gym, and after the first week, I realised just how much I missed them.
But it is still a fight to get to them. Somewhere, I have to fit in another gym session. It won’t be easy, but it is necessary.

Next step – getting the house in order. Clean out my wardrobe. Unpack those final few boxes from when I moved. Get rid of the things that don’t fit. and I don’t wear. Get all my lovely winter coats dry cleaned. Cull my shoe and handbag collection. File all those bills and receipts somewhere other than my desk.

Then, back to planning meals, and especially breakfasts and lunches. More salads, more veggies, and cut back on the treats.

Then finally, concentrate on getting my finances in order. This will be the toughest of all. I hate hate hate being in debt. The mortgage is bad enough, but now I have credit card debt to go with it. It’s not pretty. And in my recent emotional state, I’ve lacked the will power to deny myself the things my sad thought processes thought would make me happy. So maybe if I get the rest of my life in order, I can get the finances sorted too.

I’m also going to start doing Project 365, and my sweetheart will too. It will be a challenge sticking to it, but I will do it!

I’ve just got to find the camera first….

[Update]: It didn’t really work. The raspberry ganache was perfect, incredibly tasty, although it took much longer to set than I thought it would. The jam glaze didn’t work, it overpowered the rest of the cake, much to my despair. And the flourless chocolate cake was only so-so. It’s possible that using a hazelnut meal base rather than almond meal unbalanced the flavours. The cake would be fine on its own.
Perhaps I shall try it again sometime, with a few modifications.

To date, 126 people have died in the fires that are currently raging across Victoria, and that number is only expected to rise. Whole towns have been wiped out, now only ash and memories.

On the other end of the scale, most of North Queensland is underwater after two cyclones passed by in the last few weeks. The forecast is for more rain over the next week.

The whole country has been subjected to ridiculous temperatures over the past month. I had the misfortune to be in Sydney on Saturday, out west. It was a nice balmy 44 degrees Celsius (approx 110 degrees Fahrenheit). Ridiculously hot. And then the air conditioning in the car broke. Exploded, in fact. I would have cried, had there been any moisture left in me. The hot air just sucked it straight out of you.
And then mercifully, we got close to home, and coming closer to the coast, the temperature dropped ten degrees. If it was possible to hug a breeze, I would have done it.

And what is the current temperature? 20 degrees Celsius (68 degrees Fahrenheit). WTF mate. I’ve given up trying to understand the weather in this country.

But, I love it all the same. This is my country and I will always love it, no matter where I end up. And that brings me to my inspiration for this piece – Dorothea Mackellar’s ‘My Country’ (aka Core of My Heart). I’ve put the whole thing here as much for my reference as for any reader.

My Country – Dorothea Mackellar
The love of field and coppice
Of green and shaded lanes,
Of ordered woods and gardens
Is running in your veins.
Strong love of grey-blue distance,
Brown streams and soft, dim skies
I know, but cannot share it,
My love is otherwise.

I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of drought and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror
The wide brown land for me!

The stark white ring-barked forests,
All tragic to the moon,
The sapphire-misted mountains,
The hot gold hush of noon,
Green tangle of the brushes
Where lithe lianas coil,
And orchids deck the tree-tops,
And ferns the warm dark soil.

Core of my heart, my country!
Her pitiless blue sky,
When, sick at heart, around us
We see the cattle die
But then the grey clouds gather,
And we can bless again
The drumming of an army,
The steady soaking rain.

Core of my heart, my country!
Land of the rainbow gold,
For flood and fire and famine
She pays us back threefold.
Over the thirsty paddocks,
Watch, after many days,
The filmy veil of greenness
That thickens as we gaze…

An opal-hearted country,
A wilful, lavish land
All you who have not loved her,
You will not understand
though Earth holds many splendours,
Wherever I may die,
I know to what brown country
My homing thoughts will fly.

And everytime I try to mention the phone bill or the rent, its me who feels like the guilty one, like I’m in the wrong. I hate it.

“Just kick him out” I hear you say. Well, it ain’t that easy. We’ve been friends for quite a while, and I don’t want to damage the friendship. Although, it may already be damaged beyond repair in my own head. ~sigh~ I should have just struggled through the mortgage repayments on my own and never gotten a flatmate.

Anyway, that brings me to my next rant topic: Telstra. Our wonderful telecommunications company. HAH!
I’m reduced to paying my landline phone bill by phone because their stupid online system doesn’t work. I rang up today to get an itemised account for the December phone bill (the aforementioned $70 bill) and had to go through their automated system. And it isn’t the “press 1 for option a, press 2 for…” system either. No no no, it is the absolutely ridiculous system of “Say yes if your enquiry is about x” “If you wish to pay a bill, say bill payment” ARGGGHHH!!!
Just one of the many reasons I am switching to Internode’s Ultra plan. Not only do they have a much simpler payment system, but the calls are cheaper too.

Right. Now that I’ve gotten all that out of my system, I can get on with the rest of my day.

Having only partially learnt from last time, there’s no whipped cream, and the temperature is only supposed to be 29 degrees, not 39 degrees. Far more reasonable. And hopefully, far less things to go wrong.

I shall be attempting the very tasty looking Lemon Bars from Smitten Kitchen (By the way, thanks Erin for directing me to that site!).
Stay tuned for a progress update next week.

[Update]: I get a bit slow on the promised update, and someone chases me up about it. Yay!
I did indeed make lemon bars on Saturday, and despite a few minor things, they turned out fantastic. I probably cooked them a little too long as it was starting to burn around the edges. And I would have gone without the sides on it.
Perhaps next time I will make it as a tart. There will be a next time, of course. Everyone loved it, much to my thrill. Just the right amount of lemony-ness. I took photos, but they are a bit on the dodgy side, so I don’t think I’ll put them up.

When baking a Black Forest Cake, do not
a) decide to do it in 38 degree (celcius) heat.
b) attempt to assemble cake when cherry mix is still warm.
c) pay attention to the recipe when it tells you to put the cherries on first.
Also, get once of those fancy cake slice-y things so the layers are straight.

The backstory

During one of my procrastination sessions I came across a poll on Erin’s Blog, about cakes. Layer cakes. These tasty sounding cakes combined with having various guests visiting over the coming weekend inspired me to do some cooking. The decision of which cake was made simpler by showing the recipe for a Black Forest Cake to my partner. So on Friday I made my cake…

The cake came out of the oven with quite a dome, and I thought this would give me sufficient cake to turn it into a 3-layer rather than a 2-layer. I was right, and my cake became three layers of uneven chocolatey goodness sitting happily on the plate and the cooling rack.

And then things went *wrong*. In my impatience I started to assemble the cake before the cherry mix had cooled completely, which naturally caused the cream to melt. And because everything was all uneven, one side looked great, while the other side was swimming in melted cream and cherries.
A flood of melted cream does not stay on a plate very well.

Despite all that, the cake tasted delicious, and I’ll be trying it again – but in winter this time.
I was a bit puzzled though, even with an extra layer, I still had cherries left over, and I don’t think I used even a third of the chocolate ganache. A bit extra cream wouldn’t have gone astray either.

And as for Erin’s cake? It looks to have turned out a lot better than mine!

Take New South Wales for example. The only reason the government is still in power is because the opposition is worse. They shoot themselves in the foot at every possible opportunity, and the current opposition leader, Barry O’Farrell seems content to smirk at the failings of the government and wait for the state to fall into his hands.
Meanwhile, the health, education and transport systems go down the drain. Further down the drain, I should say.

I had hope when the populace elected Kevin07 less than 18 months ago.
Now? I have my doubts.
Living with a political pessimist doesn’t help matters (especially since he is usually right), but there have been some concerning announcements of late, things that don’t seem to have been thought through all that well. And as for Mr Turnbull? What has he done of late? Although, he is much preferred over the embarassing other options – I’m looking at you, Mr Downer.

I was wondering the other day why it is that Barack Obama has captured the imaginations, hopes and dreams of people around the world – not just Americans. Why is it that over here in Australia, people are pinning as much hope on his presidency as they are in the US?

Perhaps the sad answer is that we have no hope left in our own governments, and that maybe, just maybe, Obama will make things better for us too.

And that is the power of personality and a good speech.

As for Boris? I think that applies to him too, just with a lot more gaffes, and a lot more character. You gotta love a man with a way with words:

It may be that the former footballer David Icke is right, and that the world is run by giant lizards in disguise. Perhaps Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling are supersized saurians who have been sent on a 10-year mission to wreck the British economy, in preparation for the great lizard takeover. Maybe the whole plot will climax in Davos this week as all 2500 leading economic and political lizards meet in the Swiss alps – having done untold damage to global finances – and hail the arrival of the lizard mother ship as it perches on the mountain top.

All this is theoretically possible, just as it is possible that there really was an accident involving an alien spacecraft at Roswell, and that there is an extra large teapot in orbit around Mars. It is just that I happen to think it vanishingly unlikely.
…..

…. the only plausible explanation is that beneath their suits the US Justice Department and the British Home Office are occupied by a conspiracy of great green gibbering geckos from outer space.

Here in Aus these days, it is bland bland bland. Bring back Keating!
Hope remains for interesting politics though, given the recent comments by our Deputy PM, Julia Gillard.

So here I am, contemplating the wonder that is Friday afternoon.
Time seems longer here, perhaps because I know that 2 days of freedom are mere minutes away. The office is quieter than normal too. I’m not the only one to get out as soon as I can most weeks.

Having extra time at leisure on a Friday afternoon makes the weekend feel that much longer, almost as if there was a whole extra day of peace.

Next week I’ll be out of here earlier.

Twilight
My God this was a bad film. Horrendous, in fact. Now, I’m not a fan of the book, I haven’t even read it, but I was well aware of the story going into the film (thank you wikipedia and themoviespoiler.com). I hadn’t even heard positive things about it either (one review giving the film the almost unheard of association of being “better than the book” while still being crap). Indeed, the only reason I went to the screening is because a group of friends wanted to go, in order to poke fun at the “14 year old emos” in the audience. We’re a cynical and occasionally cruel bunch, we are.

Things didn’t start well. A line for tickets stretching out the door, and solely populated by, well, 14 year old girls.
As for the film itself? Angsty. Angst central, in fact. Now, there is nothing wrong with a bit of angst. In the right setting, it can be a good thing. But this? This was too much. More than once I asked “Why am I here?”, and I was somewhat amused to see the “Oh god this is horrible yet I am still watching this why am I still watching I’m still here” expression on my partner’s face, an expression I’ve only seen once before, when watching the first episode of “Maid in Akihabara”.
Traumatic indeed. And then it got worse. The key scene of reveal (“Vampire”) had the four of us in silent hysterics. I’m not kidding, there was a large amount of biting of hands to try and stop laughing. I believe I almost fell off my seat. I think the film makers used every single cliché they could think of in their little romantic montage.
And then they did it again. Surely you have heard of the “dancing as a metaphor for sex” comment. Well, this took it one step further. It was tree climbing as a metaphor for sex. and lying in fields. etc etc. If you’ve seen the film, you’ll know what I’m talking about.
On to more review like areas – the acting. Hoo boy, where to start. The lass playing Bella was 3 shades of wooden for most of the film, as was Mr Ed. I mean, Edward. (He was much better in Potter, I believe). I almost burst out laughing at the obvious “Hi, I’m a vampire” makeup of the eldest Mr Cullen, and the others weren’t much better. Bad. Very bad. Surely, one could do better than that not even trying?
I must admit though, the film wasn’t all bad. Indeed, the pursuit sections towards the end and the fights were sufficiently well done to make me forget the angst. It’s quite possible that those were the only sections where the film came alive.
And then at the very end, came the most concerning thing at all. The audience applauded.
Rating 3/10

Quantum of Solace
Ah, welcome back Mr Bond, it is indeed good to see you again.
I have become quite accustomed to Daniel Craig’s Bond. He lacks the smarmy-ness of Pierce Brosnan’s, whilst still being the ultimate secret agent, and that is welcome indeed.
Quantum of Solace contains all that is required in a Bond film, without the torture scenes that have popped up in the last few.
Car chase: Check.
Feisty Bond girl: Checkx2.
Improbable fight scenes: Check.
M revoking Bond’s passport: Check.

Judi Dench is as ever awesome as M, and the supporting cast acquit themselves well. I still don’t understand the attractiveness of either Bond girl, but then again, I’m not the one they are trying to attract.
Quantum of Solace sees Bond shake off the grief over Vesper’s death in Casino Royale, so the next film should see him back to his best. I’m peeved they killed off Rene Mathis, I liked the guy, even if he did have questionable taste in friends. And I wouldn’t object to a reappearance by the CIA’s Felix, either.
All in all a much more enjoyable film than Twilight, and in my humble opinion, better than Casino Royale as well.
Rating: 7/10